Tantrums & Cancelled Camping Trip: Why We Stayed Home
Sunrise in the woods with a tent in site
We were meant to go camping… After a very long and wet winter and spring, the weather was finally nice, sunny and warm, in the low 20’s. The trip was planned rather spontaneously after we realised that the weather was going to be good. I was looking forward to going away for a weekend with the family and spending time in nature, even if it wasn’t a long way from home. The thing I love about camping is that we all have to slow down and practise a bit of patience and flexibility by not having the luxury of the home. It helps me value the everyday things at home more, like sleeping in my bed or showering in my own bathroom - things that I otherwise take for granted.
Car in driveway packed with camping gear
The kids were excited to go too. My husband started packing and filling the car with all the camping gear in the morning. I was putting together all the food we were going to take. We were planning to leave after an early lunch so we could still enjoy the woods and have plenty of time to set up the tent.
All the while my older son (7.5 yo) was becoming more and more demanding. First, we had to make a 2D mockup of the European cup using cardboard and aluminium foil. Then, he was demanding that I help him get dressed... Then read him a book… And he kept whining about the smallest things…
I kept telling him that I’m trying to help Daddy so we could go camping and that I’d read to him when we’re there. I reminded him of the fun we always have reading in the tent using our camping lights. I also told him that it’s okay if he rests in his bed while his dad and I get ready and that we’ll have so much fun once we leave the house. None of this helped.
I knew he was having a hard time. I knew he was tired after a long week at school and the previous two weekends jam-packed with football tournaments and birthday parties. I knew he was overstimulated and needed to decompress and process all that’s happened in the weeks before. I was hoping that the camping trip would help him with all that.
And I also knew that he needed me to be with him.
Kid lying in bed with mother gently stroking their head
So I changed gears. I told him I’d lay in bed with him for a little bit and then I’d go back to packing. He closed his eyes while I stroked him and softly sang to him. I was hoping he’d fall asleep and take a nap. But no, his body was resisting it. He couldn’t relax.
Eventually, my husband and I decided to cancel the trip. We both knew that things would only be more difficult at the campsite and that we’d both handle this much worse outside the comfort of our home while making sure everyone is fed and safe outdoors.
Hearing that we cancelled the trip, my son spiralled completely out of control. To my husband and I, this was the validation that we actually made the right decision. My son was pushing me away. He was aggressive, kicking me, hitting me, screaming at me that he wanted to go camping (you know, the kind of screaming that hurts your ears and you feel like you’re actually suffering hearing loss).
Kid biting mother’s arm
I kept telling him over and over again:
"I know you wanted to go camping, sweetie.”
“I know you’re disappointed, it’s okay to feel that way. I’m also sad that we’re not going.”
“I’m here. It’s okay to feel angry and sad. It’s not okay to hurt anyone and I won’t let you do that.”
This went on for what - to me - seemed like forever…
Then eventually, he calmed down. We started playing. We laughed. Soon, his younger brother also joined in and we had fun together. And then, the two of them went off to play. Like nothing happened.
When we saw this we started doubting ourselves and contemplated whether we should still try and go to the campsite. I mean, both my husband and I were really disappointed to cancel the trip. We were looking forward to enjoying the sunshine and unwinding a bit in nature. It’s a way we fill our cups. And changing up the usual routine from time to time is important and necessary.
But deep down I knew that we made the right decision. Supporting someone through such an intense emotional outburst drains you and both my husband and I knew that I didn’t have it in me to do it again that day. Also, we recognised that our son needed to be in the safety of his home to feel relaxed and recharge his batteries. And he wasn’t completely fine later on, his mood was up and down all day.
This parenting experience can be so different for everyone. It’s important to know not only our kids and their limits but, also, ourselves and our own limits. And when we make decisions that require sacrificing our own plans for the benefit of our children, it’s okay to feel disappointment. Because that part is hard. And when we acknowledge our own needs, create healthy habits to fill our own cups, and remain flexible, we can navigate these challenges with empathy and create positive memories with our children, even when things don't go exactly as planned. Every experience, even the unexpected ones, offers a chance to learn and grow together as a family.
